Gabriel Okara is a Nigerian poet and novelist. He is well known for his poems, “Piano and Drums” and “You Laughed and Laughed and Laughed”. His poetry is often based on a series of contrasts in which symbols are neatly balanced against each other; and he incorporates African thought religion, folklore and imagery in his verse and prose. The poem below, while it retains the contrasts and symbolism Okara is known for, it is free of specific cultural references and can be applied to all.
Once upon a time, son,
they used to laugh with their hearts
and laugh with their eyes:
but now they only laugh with their teeth,
while their ice-block-cold eyes
search behind my shadow.
There was a time indeed
they used to shake hands with their hearts:
but that’s gone, son.
Now they shake hands without hearts
while their left hands search
my empty pockets.
‘Feel at home!’ ‘Come again’:
they say, and when I come
again and feel
at home, once, twice,
there will be no thrice-
for then I find doors shut on me.
So I have learned many things, son.
I have learned to wear many faces
like dresses – homeface,
officeface, streetface, hostface,
cocktailface, with all their conforming smiles
like a fixed portrait smile.
And I have learned too
to laugh with only my teeth
and shake hands without my heart.
I have also learned to say,’Goodbye’,
when I mean ‘Good-riddance’:
to say ‘Glad to meet you’,
without being glad; and to say ‘It’s been
nice talking to you’, after being bored.
But believe me, son.
I want to be what I used to be
when I was like you. I want
to unlearn all these muting things.
Most of all, I want to relearn
how to laugh, for my laugh in the mirror
shows only my teeth like a snake’s bare fangs!
So show me, son,
how to laugh; show me how
I used to laugh and smile
once upon a time when I was like you.
The Break Down
What is the poem about?
Starting from the get go, this poem indicates a passage of time throughout different stages of communications in the narrators life. To his son, the narrator describes the genuine way people interacted and how it changes gradually as people learn society’s standard. The narrator however, longs for that period where, once upon a time he knew genuine expression.
Stanza 1
Once upon a time, son,
The first few words of this poem echo stories, fairy tales and nostalgia. Whenever you hear the phrase “Once upon a time,” you settle in for a story and you may even conjure images of fantasy or a tale that depending on the contents may or may not be believed.
Also, we initially get a an idea of the relationship between the narrator and the speaker. As to whether or not the narrator is the actual father of the person he is speaking to, remains to be seen. It is really neither here nor there, for the comprehension of this poem, what is key is that we have an age dynamic set up between the older and the younger generation.
Often stories were, and still are, told to teach lessons, the tone the poem starts in, hints that through the story the narrator is telling, a lesson is present.
they used to laugh with their hearts
and laugh with their eyes:
We are not given any specific indication as to who ‘they’ is but surmise that that the narrator is speaking in general. As the poem progresses, we see that it is a general reference to people and the wider society and their interactions.
Both lines suggest genuine interaction. When you laugh with your heart and with your eyes, you are showing your sincerity for the matter at hand. These two lines are also past tense, so the sincerity that ‘they’ used to have, no longer exists, instead:
but now they only laugh with their teeth,
while their ice-block-cold eyes
search behind my shadow.
The sincerity that the narrator noticed initially is now gone. People laugh for the sake up laughing without true happiness, “laugh with their teeth,” and their eyes which were previously lit with emotion are now cold and they stare straight through him; “ice-block-cold eyes, search behind my shadow.”
Numerous references have been made in various aspects of literature about a person’s eyes being the “window to their soul”. In addition to their lack of emotion, the fact that their eyes are “ice-block-cold” could refer to a loss of humanity or even their soul.
Stanza 2
There was a time indeed
they used to shake hands with their hearts:
but that’s gone, son.
The beginning of this stanza, the narrator is nostalgic. With words and phrases like, “there was a time indeed” or “but that’s gone, son” suggests a deep sadness and disappointment at the loss of genuine and sincere interaction. You feel the heaviness that weighs on the narrators heart when he thinks about the situation.
Now they shake hands without hearts
while their left hands search
my empty pockets.
In these lines, which are metaphorically heavy, the narrator reiterates the new found insincerity that pervades adult interaction with, “now they shake hands without hearts”. He continues, by use of metaphor, “while their left hands search my empty pockets,” to expose their depravity by telling us that even while their interactions are insincere, they try to use him. It suggests a society rampant with the every man for himself, dogma.
Stanza 3
‘Feel at home!’ ‘Come again’:
they say, and when I come
again, and feel
at home, once, twice,
there will be no thrice–
for then I find doors shut on me.
Lip service is the order of the day as their pretense has now become verbal. Individuals say things they do not mean, “Feel at home!” and “Come again;” and it becomes apparent when the narrator acts on their words and finds that they were not honestly spoken to begin with. It suggests that people speak and act only to save face. It is an uncomfortable environment.
Stanza 4
So I have learned many things, son.
The narrator has now seemingly come to terms with the fact that this is the way things are, and he is preparing to tell his audience and by extension us the readers.
I have learned to wear many faces
like dresses – homeface,
officeface, streetface, hostface,
cocktailface, with all their conforming smiles
like a fixed portrait smile.
The lesson he has learned, and we get the sense that the lesson was painful, is one of adaptation. He has learned to “wear many faces,” each suited to a the specific situation he is in. Though, he has conformed, the last line of this stanza, “like a fixed portrait smile,” bleeds resentment at the situation he is in. ‘A fixed portrait smile,” also creates the image of unchanging emptiness, and lack of warmth. Portraits are always the same and they never change, and as is the experience with many people who have taken portraits, the expressions tend to be forced and uncomfortable.
The fact that he has to wear so many different faces, indicates that all interactions are shallow, there is no depth to human interaction anymore. No connections are made, and everybody is out for themselves and no other.
Note in line two of the stanza that he even wears a face at home; a place where you would think that you can shed your mask and be yourself.
Stanza 5
And I have learned too
to laugh only with my teeth
and shake hands without my heart.
Stanza 5 picks up from stanza 4 in terms of sharing the lessons he has learned as he makes his way through society.
I have also learned to say, ‘Goodbye,’
when I mean ‘Good-riddance’:
to say ‘Glad to meet you’,
without being glad; and to say ‘It’s been
nice talking to you’, after being bored.
The narrator is now well versed in the art of superficial interaction, and even does it with relative ease. He is however not happy with the situation.
Stanza 6
But believe me, son.
The narrator is imploring his audience to believe him. Despite his apparent conformity, he does not agree, nor is he pleased with the way things have turned out. The desperation in his words is palpable.
I want to be what I used to be
when I was like you. I want
to unlearn all these muting things.
Most of all I want to relearn
how to laugh, for my laugh in the mirror
shows only my teeth like a snake’s bare fangs!
The narrator makes his desires known. He is unhappy with the way things are and wants to change them. He has learned the behaviours so well that when he looks at himself, he sees them reflected and not who he was once. It is key that he says he wants ‘to unlearn’ these things. This takes us back to the beginning where made sure to let us know that things were not always this way, there was a time when sincerity was all he knew.
Imagery echoed in stanza one is repeated here with reference to his teeth. Sinister connotations are present, especially with the introduction of the snake and its fangs. Also, when a snake bares his fangs, it is usually a sign of danger for the person or animal those fangs are bared to.
Stanza 7
So show me, son,
how to laugh; show me how
I used to laugh and smile
once upon a time when I was like you.
His son’s present state of innocence is now the narrator’s ideal. He longs for past times where he use to laugh, smile and live freely without concern or care for the adults around him.
Irony plays a role throughout this poem, because the narrator begins by teaching the son the ways of the world through the poem, but at the end is desperate for his sons guidance so that he can get back to that place of innocence he had as a child.
Themes present in this poem
- Longing
- Innocence
- Change
- Honesty (or lack thereof)
Remember if you have any questions or need further clarification, comment below!